This post should do exactly as it says in the title: no more, no less. Yet I hope it’s also deep.

With my break this week in writing the still-to-complete Top seven risks for young restless Reformeds series¹, I have been busy over at Speculative Faith.

That site, for readers and authors exploring Christian visionary fiction, has been busy this week with several fascinating columns and discussions: God’s possible views on the fantasy genre, how stories’ victories emerge from defeat, preaching the Gospel through fiction out of love for one’s readers, and why Christian fiction authors should also read nonfiction.

My column contribution, as of yesterday, focused on a certain oft-controversial fantasy series, especially given the recent film’s release: How do we love a fiction legalist? — part one.

And that brings me to this column’s title, which believe it or not does relate to Harry Potter.

This is the picture. It came up during a random online image search (one must be very careful with those). Further research didn’t confirm any artist who combined the two elements, but there is a Facebook group oriented around the artwork itself. Most of that group’s participants spend their time mocking creationists — a strangely popular pastime nowadays.

From what I have read, the artist who made this image might have been trying to mock Jesus.

Now, how one reacts to this image may also be the same reaction some Christians have, understandably, to something like the Harry Potter series. Two assumptions may be:

1. Obviously the artist is trying to mock Biblical truth. It could even be dangerous.

   But why should I buy into the artist’s intentions? Does Scripture say his sin is contagious?

2. Such a piece of work seems, maybe not dangerous or sinful, but useless. What’s the point?

   Pardon a moment of potential immaturity, but … it’s Jesus with a dinosaur! Dinosaurs are cool — God created them (Genesis 1, Job 40!). And Jesus is even cooler! So it’s the Creator holding one of His most incredible creations. That’s all I see there. It could even glorify Him.

Sure, whoever put together the photo — or the Harry Potter series — might not have meant to glorify God. Yet can Christians not see whatever truth is reflected in these creations?

Romans 1, describing man’s depravity, nonetheless argues that even a sin-cursed world, which is not God’s ultimate revelation (as His Word is), gives enough evidence of His existence and goodness that men can’t claim they weren’t told about Him.

And Romans 8: 19-22 makes clear: even a corrupt, sinful world reflects a longing for its rebirth:

I see that longing for a better world, to glorify God forever, even in a silly, perhaps-intended-for-mockery Photoshop combination of a Jesus painting and dinosaur picture.

And sometimes I even see it in the Harry Potter series. For more on that, just read here.

Any criticisms, questions, rebuttals, or reactions are most welcome.

When I was younger and a snarkier Christian, I rewrote the first chapter of Genesis. Unlike some, I wasn’t trying to remove the six-day creation parts. Instead I rewrote it the way an evolutionist might, in retelling his account(s) of the origin of the world.¹ This was called the L.E.F.T. Bible, the Liberal Evolutionists’ Favored Translation.

But I think Marvin Olasky did a much better job.

On March 11 last month, he debated “social gospel” activist Jim Wallis, who seeks Biblical and Christian justification for liberal welfare and wealth-distribution policies. Earlier that afternoon, Olasky has given a lecture about Christian responses to poverty and affluence. The afternoon is for academics, Olasky said. He wanted to start his introduction to the debate with a little snark.

In his hotel, considering a Gideons Bible in the drawer, he wondered: how would a “progressive Christian” version, such as Wallis’s Sojourners organization, translate three famous parables?

First, from Luke 10:

A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. The stripped him of his clothes, they beat him and they went away, leaving him half-dead.

But a Samaritan came to where the man was, and was outraged that some people were so poor that they were forced to steal clothes. He returned to Jerusalem, and using rhetorical brilliance to overcome prejudice against his ethnic group, he convinced the Sanhedrin to pass the Good-Looking Samaritan Act, which gave a new suit of clothes to every disadvantaged youth who might otherwise turn to crime along the Jerusalem-Jericho highway. And the Act also erected a monument at the spot where the robbery victim had died.

What about Acts 3?
Continue reading …

(This was originally published under a slightly different title at my older site, FaithFusion.net¹. I’m reposting it here mostly because of “inspiration” — ha ha! — after seeing this, and referencing Challies’ earlier review of the “Your Best Life Now” Game. Yes, there really is one.)

So, Ralph Lee Laufenburger, The Weeping Pastor™! You’ve gone through Bible school, conferences on church growth, and finally have a ministerial position at Christian-Light Community Church in Kansas City, a middle-size congregation that you’ve made even larger during the time of 11 years. Your church, already on local television, is soon to go on syndication to many spiritually oriented cable networks, as well as TBN.

Now, you’ve written a proposal for a book. And we here at the public-relations and marketing firm of Rosenwald, Farnsworth, Sneed and Morningstar are certain that proposal has promise.

Here we have for you a list of proven marketing methods. They are sure to work, first in Christian bookstores nationwide, then eventually even the featured-items aisles and displays of real bookstores. We are sure the following steps will also bring about certain success!

1. Table of contents

We find your book proposal definitely impressive. Jesus Wept is a catchy title. It is based on a short, pithy Bible verse that is too often overlooked in today’s church. We believe your genteel writing style is appealing. The best marketing will match your book’s theme: everyone must see anew the value of weeping as Jesus once did. This of course is the “magic bullet” to everything that ails not only the Church, but people’s personal lives.

Here is our suggested text for the front inside-flap text. The back one will have a photo of you.

Have you ever wondered if a wise being, somewhere, is looking upon the state of his world, and crying?

What would happen if you met him? And you found not the angry God you imagined, but a tearful Father who only wants to lavish his love on you?

God is not angry with the world. In fact, he is sorrowful over the things so many people do to cheat themselves. They give up their dreams, they settle for less, and they fall for so many lesser things than the love and acceptance he has promised.

He weeps over you, just as he once did. Let Ralph Lee Laufenburger, The Weeping Pastor™, show you anew how to allow yourself healthful sorrow in your newfound love and hope.

When you, with help, write the book, its contents will be based on messages you’ve given, and a focus your church’s staff hopes to push in your new television program. It must be spiritual, but not too deep.

Please be sure to include some Bible verses in the book, here and there. We find taking them from different translations, at least 17, ensures the points are made most effectively.

Also helpful will be only single verses at the beginning of each chapter. Have the chapter’s contents have something to do with those, even if only one word ties them together. Other sources, including rare quotes from other bestseller authors, poets, filmmakers, mystics, and the Rev. Robert Schueller, will be cited in the back bibliography.

2. The book itself

The first printing will be in hardcover, of course. On the front, we will include a picture of you, Ralph Lee Laufenburger, The Weeping Pastor™, smiling. Our photographers will make sure your hair, tuxedo, tie and fingernails are done well. You will be looking your best, all nice and handsome and sweet. This will increase the book’s appeal to the members of your reading audience. Our research has narrowed them down into the following demographics:

1. People watching your television program.
2. Nominally churchgoing middle-aged women in secret-sisters book-of-the-month clubs.
3. Little old ladies who have come into the Christian bookstore to buy cool-neon-covered Bibles for their teen grandchildren, in their hope that the teens will, at minimum, stop necking in the backseats of cars.
4. People buying books for others, whom the gift-givers consider Spiritual, so the givers know the recipients will definitely enjoy the book because it is Spiritual too.

Ads in Christian periodicals, endorsements from church-growth experts and popular evangelicals who are forging new seeker-friendly outreaches, will also help give a jump on sales.

Here we are talking about American periodicals and Christian media. International marketing, such as the United Kingdom, and especially Russia and the People’s Republic of China, will prove more limited. We find Christians in China do not respond well to new material of such spiritual magnitude. Our staffers continue to study this phenomenon.

3. Book tour

Our campaign will certainly bring requests for interviews, likely beginning on local Christian programs. Here, you will show the value of your ministry’s theme by erupting in tears multiple times. Like God himself, you weep, instead of getting mad, over the plight of people who are not living their lives well and following their dreams. And you wish for so much better for them.

4. Reviews

This will lead to another jump in sales. Your Amazon.com rankings will increase and we will respond by negotiating with the publisher to purchase marquee shelf displays in Christian bookstores. Christian periodicals will review your book. For many in the target demographics (see section 2), the reviewers’ perspective doesn’t matter, so long as they have included a picture of the cover with you on there looking all handsome and smiling.

Statistically, about one out of nine reviews will likely prove negative. Our advice: take it in stride. They are simply mired in their theological traditions. In further TV interviews, now at the cable-network stage, you will weep over them also.

5. Merchandise

Increased sales numbers will lead to a coveted slot on the New York Times bestseller list. This will necessitate more advertising for the book. We are thinking here of licensed merchandise.

At first, your publisher will offer only Jesus Wept prayer devotionals. Next will come the essentials: Jesus Wept coffee mugs, commemorative bracelets (Mr. Farnsworth suggests teardrop-shaped beads), mantle collectibles, little lacy things, t-shirts, Bible verse pens, and live-a-weeping-life-themed dreamcatchers to hang on rear-view mirrors.

More books and prayer devotionals will be given through your television program, absolutely free, only after people send in their suggested donations.

6. More spinoff books

As your popularity increases, more books will become necessary. We will assemble a paid committee for you to determine which are the best options.

The Jesus Wept prayer devotional will be followed by age- and gender-specific new titles such as Jesus Wept for Women, Jesus Wept for Single Mothers, Jesus Wept for Extreme Teens, Jesus Wept for Kids!, Jesus Wept for Grandmothers, and Jesus Wept for Kids Grades 5 – 8.

More titles will include books of inspirational stories targeted toward specific groups of hobbyists. Our committee will handle this by enlisting the aid of several dozen other freelance writers and locking them all inside a dark room with non-internet-access computers and denying them (the writers) food and water until the task is complete.

This second line will include Jesus Wept for Hikers, Jesus Wept for Pet Lovers, Jesus Wept for Girlfriends, Jesus Wept for Teachers, Jesus Wept for Single Women, Jesus Wept for the Broken-Hearted, Jesus Wept for Poor Lost Circus Performers and Jesus Wept for Unicyclists.

A likely sequel called He Still Weeps For You, with imitation leather-bound gift editions.

7. Dealing with criticism

At this point, some Christian organizations and their leaders will get mad at you. They will conduct broadcasts and write articles in which they will say so. They make their living causing controversy and ensuring people are too concerned about believing exactly as they do.

You may be pressed about your beliefs, say on the Larry King Live show, or asked for your views on religious issues such as gay marriage, the Ten Commandments in courthouses and border control. Do not comment heavily on these topics. Don’t try to articulate your ideas about how to solve the problems. In fact, it is best if you do not speak at all. Just cry — not for those who believe wrongly, but for those who are too dogmatic one way or the other at all.

More criticism may come from representatives of other faiths. (Make sure your church is partnering with others in order to cure AIDS, eliminate poverty in Africa and all sorts of things that up until your arrival in the world the church hasn’t given a rip about.) Remind those critics that the leaders of their faiths also wept a lot.

(Mr. Sneed suggests another spinoff product for Judaism: Jeremiah Wept, Too.)

8. More merchandise

Our marketing plan for spinoff books will lead to a whole new realm of merchandise: Jesus Wept devotionals for teens, women and waitresses, coffee mug coasters, wall plaques, handbags, Bible covers (or covers for other books), cell phone cases, PDA-library software and special pens with verses and slogans on them, will prove valuable and essential to customers.

(Mr. Sneed and Mr. Rosenwald have also begun drawing up plans for a new board-game product. It will take players through this life, from failure to accepting love and the weeping realization that God loves us all and wants us to cry with him over our unfulfilled potentials.)

9. Time

Ralph Lee Laufenburger, The Weeping Pastor™, we believe that this will give you fame, fortunate and time on the bestseller lists for at least 1.3 years.

After that it will likely end. It will be replaced by an even newer line of amazing and never-before-known truths for spiritual people. (Mr. Morningstar just this morning informed us that we have received a proposal from a Frances K. McVeigh, pastor of Brown Hill Community Church in Sacramento, for a book entitled Jesus Slept^®.)

But you must also be assured that Jesus Wept and its assorted products, devotionals, coffee coasters, toilet seat covers, etc., will provide you and your church with unprecedented growth, long after your own bright light fades from the relevant radar screens. The momentum from your popularity will continue for at least six more years. It will be aided by your preaching of pretty much the same sermon in your church, without notes, and also helped later by your available-on-TV-only release of various artists’ inspirational inspired-by Jesus Wept CDs.

Long after the books have faded and even the paperback devotionals have been discounted for $.34 apiece, you’ll know that you, Ralph Lee Laufenburger, The Weeping Pastor™, have made a permanent mark on culture, and spirituality. People will remember you, for the rest of their lives, because of their newfound capacity to weep.

Therefore we encourage you here at the public-relations and marketing offices of Rosenwald, Farnsworth, Sneed and Morningstar to sign the enclosed contracts and waivers. We must begin our efforts at once. We will expect you to complete the book, with the help of your staff, in about two weeks. Meanwhile we will work through our schedules and lay out the ads to be released in magazines.

Memorize these steps. Learn them, know them, live them; bind them about your heart. We know they will work every time they are tried and that only these steps, at long last released upon the world, will solve everything. And finally the world will be a better, albeit weepier, place in which to live, and earn.

Today I’m postponing a more-substantive post for a very substantive, and seasonal, reason: I’m helping my wife bake Christmas cookies this evening!

Tomorrow’s post will be either about marketing moralism for Christmas, or a redux of instructions on how to sell a Christian-culture success. I haven’t yet decided which.

Meanwhile, if you by chance aren’t sure that a Christmas tree, as-is, can be a means of giving glory to God at Christmas, there is always this option. It’s brought to you by an outfit called Boss Creations¹.

Because nothing is so pagan as a fake evergreen tree in your living room. But a fake evergreen tree in your living room with two pieces of wood up the middle of it — now that is sanctified.²

Soon I hope to write more about the last column’s subject of un-Biblical patriarchy, especially contrasted with more-Biblical views of male/female roles.

Spiritual Superheroes! still needs a sequel. But the prospect of Photoshopping Dave Hunt into The Hulk frightens me a bit, and not just on a technical level. Still, it’s coming.

How about another game? For the job of trying to learn Biblical discernment for God’s glory and our growth, I’ve found recently one way of simplifying the task: the game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, adapted for an even more spiritual purpose.

Christian camp counselors, start your note-taking! This is sure to be a hit at campfire discussions everywhere, when the kids are all spiritually high and ready to learn.

Rules of the game

True to this little game’s purpose, I think I can back up how it works with Scripture.

Let’s call the new form Anecdote, Christian Teaching, Scripture. Shout it out like a game-show audience: “AN-EC-DOTE! CHRIST-IANNN TEEEACH-INNNG! SCRIPTURRRRE! Yayyyy!”

(Grinning game-show host bounds happily on the stage, thrilled to be there)

Yes, that’s right, it’s Anecdote, Christian Teaching, Scripture! While the contestants enter, let’s go over the rules! In the original game, scissors can cut paper. Rocks can damage scissors. Paper can cover rock. Each item can be beaten by something else.

But in Anecdote, Christian Teaching, Scripture, a personal Anecdote and Christian Teaching can beat each other — and Scripture, the revealed Word beats both previous items. Sometimes Anecdote beats Anecdote, but only if it’s backed up by Teaching which in turn is backed up by Scripture. And if Teaching contradicts Scripture, guess which one of those wins.

That’s right, studio audience! Scripture wins again.

Shall we see if these rules are supported by Scripture itself? Wait, what’s that? Someone in the audience is shouting, claiming something about a circular argument. While the game-show security staff remove him, let’s go over one reason why Christians do in fact seem to say “Scripture itself proves Scripture is the highest authority.” Heeeeeeeere’s Wayne to explain.

Someone may object that to say Scripture proves itself to be God’s words is to use a circular argument: We believe that Scripture is God’s Word because it claims to be that. And we believe its claims because Scripture is God’s Word. And we believe that it is God’s Word because it claims to be that, and so forth.

It should be admitted that this is a kind of circular argument. However, that does not make its use invalid, for all arguments for an absolute authority must ultimately appeal to that authority for proof; otherwise the authority would not be an absolute or highest authority. This problem is not unique to the Christian who is arguing for the authority of the Bible. Everyone either implicitly or explicitly uses some kind of circular argument when defending his or her ultimate authority for belief.

A few simple examples will illustrate the types of circular arguments people use to support the basis for their beliefs:

“My reason is my ultimate authority because it seems reasonable to me to make it so.”

“Logical consistency is my ultimate authority because it is logical to make it so.”

“The findings of human sensory experiences are the ultimate authority for discovering what is real and what is not, because our human senses have never discovered anything else: Thus, human experience tells me that my principle is true.”

Each of these arguments utilizes circular reasoning to establish its ultimate standard for truth.¹

Thanks, Wayne! Now let’s see if Scripture beating Anecdote and Teaching, every time, is a way of thinking and living supported by Scripture itself.

Scripture beats Teaching

Scripture beats Anecdote; Scripture beats Teaching; Teaching beats Anecdote (but only if supported by Scripture)

Recall that the Galatian church has bought into un-Biblical ideas about how to be and/or stay saved. They treated supposedly essential lifestyle rules as equal to the Gospel of God’s grace.

In response, Paul wrote a passionate, firm and wonderful letter that includes this near the start:

Anecdote beats Teaching (but only if supported by Scripture)

To the same audience, the Apostle Paul goes on to defend himself by citing his life experiences. But he backs up his experiences with the truth, against teaching that personally attacks him.

Anecdote beats Teaching (but only if supported by Scripture); Scripture beats Anecdote, Scripture beats Teaching

To believers, the apostle Peter wrote:

Scripture beats Everything

To Timothy, a young pastor, the apostle Paul wrote:

Time to play!

Contestants, do you understand the rules? Do you? Exccccellent! Then finally it’s time to play:

“AN-EC-DOTE! CHRIST-IANNN TEEEACH-INNNG! SCRIPTURRRRE! Yayyyy!”

Scenarios will be suggested by virtue of whoever can get there first to suggest one! Because I, your humble host, am here first, I shall begin, and with a very easy one.

Scenario One! You’re a Christian pastor, married, with three children, working in a Ministry™. You also happen to be hitting on one of the Ministry™ secretaries. You tell her you’re sure it’s God’s will for you to be together. Anecdote!

(Host looks around in silence) Wwwell, all right then! If you have a harder one, give it a whirl!

Decisions, decisions — which superhero cliché to use first?

How about none. Instead, we’ll forgo an introduction and just “take off.” Oops.

So here they are, the first of I’m-guessing-20 comparisons¹: modern spiritual superheroes² in trivia-slideshow style, along with some very amateur Photoshopping. ³

Superman — John Piper

Superman

Mild-mannered by day, and passionate and powerful — also by day. Surely the first and most popular of superheroes could not be assigned to any other modern-day author/teacher.

Like the Man of Steel, Piper’s care for humanity is easily seen. God-given fervor for seeing, savoring and delighting in doctrinal truth help him soar. He can bend Scriptural steel with his bare hands, shoot heat rays from his eyes. And Piper even lives and works in Minneapolis, preaching at a great metropolitan church, weekly.

Members of that church and others who’ve read Desiring God or heard his many online sermons would agree that he genuinely cares about doing good. A Boy-Scout hero. His only weakness? Many kinds of Kryptonite, such as too-frequent Twittering and TV-watching. We can all identify.

Yes, as with the Last Son of Krypton, some people think Piper is too serious about his job. But confronting evil, not to mention superficiality in the Church, is serious business. Besides, at the right moment he’s just as quick with a quip as any of the “flightier” heroes. Catch him in civilian mode: quirky as Clark Kent, with a contagious grin. All that’s missing is the eyeglass-shove.

Fighting for truth, justice and Christian Hedonism, in a world that so needs all three — that’s Pastor Piper. You’ll believe a man can cry.

Batman — John MacArthur

The Batman

Some may question his methods. Some may even call him too serious. But you can’t question his almost cheerful commitment to rid Christianity of bad teaching. That’s John MacArthur, author, dark knight of Gotham City (Los Angeles) and pastor at his own Batcave, Grace Community Church.

Possessing no superpowers, Johnny-Mac (his alter-ego) is still a man of stealth, strength and many other talents. When he’s not writing books about holy living or particular religious crimes against truth, he’s applying his detective skills to Scriptural study and finding forensic evidence from the worst abuses of the Bible. Supervillains such as The Joelker (Joel Osteen) may try their doctrinal crimes, but one pellet of Bat-prosperity-preacher repellant makes them flee.

He may be dark and brooding, and even sometimes work against other spiritual superheroes. He and Superman (John Piper) may have some disagreements, but they’re on the same side. However, grittier heroes like Wolverine (Mark Driscoll) definitely get on Bats’ nocturnal nerves.

Wonder Woman — Beth Moore

Wonder Woman

Some may have thought superheroing was strictly man’s work. Then from a mysterious island came a new kind of hero. Deep-South drawl. Great hair. Flashy duds. Let’s not picture any more wardrobe descriptions that lead to unfortunate mental images.

Beth Moore wards off almost all criticism with her magic Baptist-woman arm bracelets. Many truths in the Bible are lassoed by her golden lariat. Yet some would argue that really, most other heroes already had her same powers, such as flight, strength and durability. So there’s some overlap. But when you’re in the thick of battle, even the redundant heroes are helpful.

Sure, more-complementarian superheroes, male or female, would prefer she work better under the leadership of male heroes. But you can’t deny her positive effects, especially if your church has an unfortunate absence of male heroes. If Wonder Woman arrives, you had best watch out.

Beware especially if it’s the day of her new small-group curriculum’s release, and you’re caught between a Christian bookstore and a stampeding horde of her fans, the Blue-Haired Amazons. And if you’re actually the quasi-Christian husband of one of those fans, Hera help you.

Mr. Fantastic — Al Mohler

Mr. Fantastic

Is anyone as flexible as the author/speaker/talk-radio host/blogger/husband/father/chronic reader/president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary? How does he do it?

Clearly, Al Mohler as Mr. Fantastic is blessed by some cosmic storm with powers of extreme flexibility. He can stretch his body and limbs amazing distances to do superhero work. He’s able to wrap around multiple projects simultaneously.

Meanwhile, he’s very much a leader of other heroes. Since assuming the presidency of the largest seminary of the nation’s largest Protestant denomination, Mr. Fantastic has led a team of at least Fantastic Four, and many other heroes with many diverse callings and powers. Only Professor Charles Xavier (C.J. Mahaney) could perhaps boast an equally large training academy for young heroes just developing their abilities.

And while Mr. Fantastic is quite a public presence with impressive speaking gifts, he’s equally at home in the lab, perhaps working on a few more Fantasticar-style vehicles for Biblical worldview messages to the masses. We can only hope and pray this leader and super-stretchy spiritual star doesn’t stretch himself too far.

Iron Man — James White

Iron Man

With all his technical expertise and charisma (though we would doubt the multibillionaire parts, not to mention the skirt-chasing), James White could have chosen a different life. Instead, perhaps after an attack by enemies of the Church that changed his life, he did something few others do. He studied the mechanisms of apologetics, built himself a suit of armor made from right exegesis and Biblically based logic, and became a hero who is made, not born.

He’s sarcastic, with indestructible arguments proving Jesus’ divinity, Reformed grace doctrines, justification through faith and more. Very often you’ll find him firing repulsor-blasts from his hands in debates with members of the Mandarin (the Mormons) Iron Monger (Bart Ehrman) and of course Whiplash (Dan Barker).

Iron Man’s battles over the Bible have led him even into conflicts with other heroes, most notably The Hulk (Dave Hunt). Some may wonder whether such force against The Hulk is necessary, but others point out it wasn’t Iron Man who started that fight. And let’s face it, very often you need even a man with inner flaws like us all, to swoop in with his high-tech suit, save the day, and blast false teachers to smithereens. That’s a — ahem — stark reality.